Stay on Guard

There's good and bad to just about anything. Facebook is one example. It has been an easy and efficient way to connect with family and friends. Being able to immediately see pictures of the newest addition to the family or little Susie's dance recital are all good things. Reconnecting with old friends and classmates is also good - but be on guard!

I just read an article this morning that said surveys show Facebook is being cited more and more in divorce cases. This should make spouses think twice before "friending" someone of the opposite sex. As some of you know, I deleted my Facebook account about a year ago. The reason? I quickly realized how easy it was to "friend" my high school buddies (good) but then have old girlfriends from high school show up as "people you may know" (not so good). How would my wife feel if I was in contact with "another woman"? How would I feel if she was a "friend" to another male?

I've seen this sad and ugly scenario play out in a friend's life. It was back in 2002. A business associate of mine (married man) got in contact with an old high school sweetheart and they started communicating. One thing led to another and he ended up having an affair with this "sweetheart". To make matters worse, he was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after they reunited and was about to divorce his wife when the cancer became aggressive and he died. His wife found out about the affair and was devastated and very angry as you might imagine. The "other woman" was also devastated. There were no winners in this. The saddest part to all of this - there were only 9 people at his funeral - mostly business people, no family. I was one of the 9.

A 2010 survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showed that 81 percent of "the nation's top divorce attorneys" reported an increase in social networking websites being used as evidence in divorce cases. Facebook is the leader, being cited in 66 percent of cases that involve online evidence. Couples should take common sense safeguards on Facebook, said Michael Martin, vice president for academic affairs and professor of New Testament at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary in Mill Valley, Calif.

"People need to manage the beginning of the relationship," Martin said. "If somebody contacts you from your past and wants to strike up a friendship -- somebody that you dated once or somebody that you knew in high school or college, there's nothing necessarily wrong with entering into that relationship. Just do it along with your spouse. Include your spouse into the conversation. If you're willing to do that openly, then it's likely there's nothing at all wrong with the Facebook relationship. If you are being invited into a conversation that you are uncomfortable including your spouse in, then you should not start the relationship."

To help you and your spouse stay on guard, here are some tips given in the complete article from the Baptist Press: "Facebook divorce rates: Couples be wise"