Strengthening My Soul

I am reading a book entitled "Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership" by Ruth Haley Barton. She says one of the best things a pastor can say to their congregation is, "It is well with my soul". I hope to be able to say that at the end of my sabbatical. Too often the daily grind of pastoral work starts to eat away at one's soul. Jesus asks, "What does it profit someone to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" What does it profit a pastor to preach the world's best sermon, build the largest membership, gain everyone's approval and yet lose their soul? Sabbatical is a time for me to receive from God and not have to wonder if "this will preach" or not. Barton says, "Many of us have reached a place where we have acquired a lot of knowledge and accomplished much, but something is missing. We are desperate to find our way back to God that will feed our own souls. I'm tired of helping others enjoy God. "

During my sabbatical I will be intentional about times of solitude and silence in hopes of hearing from God and just being with God. What might God reveal to me about Himself? What might God reveal to me about myself? What will God ask me to change? I'm not sure, but I will try to be open to what God has for me. Barton says that when the pain of staying the same is greater greater than the pain of changing, we are ripe for God to act. Like a sacrifice, I bring myself into God's presence. I offer myself to Him. Most of what happens in solitude is happening below the surface. I will have to trust that even though I may not see it, God will continue to do a transforming work in me. Only those whom God has transformed are prepared to lead others in the transformation they seek.

It is good to remove myself from the arena where I receive so much of my identity from. I have already struggled a bit with feeling like I should be doing something - but sabbatical will remind me to be still and know that God is God AND that my identity is in Him and not in what I do. I look forward to journey on a path of better self-discovery. Like Moses with the burning bush, I hope to pay better attention to God. Too many times I am so busy doing God's work that I totally miss where He is - why? Because I am a fixer, a problem-solver. I am used to pushing ahead with whatever needs doing, but sabbatical is not about fixing, solving or doing. It's about letting go - of patterns and behaviors that no longer serve me well. Barton says, "We live in bondage to that which does not take us forward in the life of grace."

I have experienced much grace in my life - but unfortunately I forget to live out of that grace sometimes. We all need moments in our life to allow the chaos and busyness to settle so we can allow God to remind us of His steadfast love for each of us. This reminder will strengthen my soul.