New Study on Families and Technology

A new study from the Barna Group was released on the influence of technology in families. Here is a summary list of the 5 findings:

1. Parents are just as dependent on technology as are teens and tweens. Parents are more likely than their tween and teen offspring to report regular use of cell phones and desktop computers. They are just likely as their teens and tweens to use laptop computers and tablet-like devices. Parents watch just as much television and movies, use the Internet for as many minutes per day, and spend more time on the telephone and emailing than do their tween- and teen-aged children.

2. Most family members, even parents, feel that technology has been a positive influence on their families. The conclusion is that most families welcome technology and media with open arms, rather than with suspicion. One of the reasons for this may be that many families use technology, including television, movies and video games, as a shared experience.

3. Very few adults or youth take substantial breaks from technology. Americans’ dependence on—what some might call addiction to—digital technology is apparent in the study’s findings. The question arises whether families are in control of their technology or being controlled by it.

4. Families experience conflict about technology, but not in predictable ways. Technology seems to amplify the relational patterns and problems already in place: families that have healthy and frequent conversations find technology aiding that process, while families without such healthy interactions find that technology exacerbates the isolation of its members.

5. Few families have experienced—or expect—churches to address technology. Most families are not getting any coaching or assistance when it comes to integrating technology into their family life. The implication is that faith communities could take a leadership role in teaching about the proper use of technology in healthy families.

As Real As It Gets

We've been talking about what it means to "Get Real" at Bellwood. Webster's defines real as: not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory : genuine such as "real gold". Jewelers say that there is a way to test and see if gold is real or not. This is done by putting a small scratch on the item in an inconspicuous place using a nail file. Place a drop of nitric acid on the scratch. If the area experiences no reaction, the item is made from real gold. If the area turns green, the item is not real gold. There is such a thing as "fool's gold" which of course, under this kind of test, would prove to be fraudulent.

I'm convinced that many of us try to portray the image of being a Christ follower (real gold) but in reality we are simply fools. This is what Jesus is saying in Luke 14:29 (NIV) "For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him." If we claim to be a follower of His, we need to recognize there is a price to pay; unlike this man who was a fool.

Jesus already laid the foundation that we are to build on. Part of that foundation was His "being real". He was never artificial or fake. He was filled with joy (Luke 10:21), He shed tears (Luke 19:41), He grieved (Mark 14:34), He was angry (Mark 3:5), He felt compassion (Luke 7:13), He felt distress (Luke 12:50). Jesus was as real as it gets. We can celebrate our humanity and build on His foundation.

1 Corinthians 3:11-13 (NLT) says, "For no one can lay any other foundation than the one we already have—Jesus Christ. Now anyone who builds on that foundation may use gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But there is going to come a time of testing at the judgment day to see what kind of work each builder has done. Everyone's work will be put through the fire to see whether or not it keeps its value".

Some of us are using materials that will not be able to withstand the fire, but "real gold" is purified in the fire. God will allow us to be tested in order to refine our character. Hopefully, we won't be found to be fraudulent.

I know it can be scary to get real with God, others and yourself, but I would rather take the risk of looking like a fool to others, than to actually be called a fool by God for being a fake and not counting the cost.

Get Real

This whole month of May I decided to preach a series before my Sabbatical entitled, "Get Real." This past Sunday I talked about "Image is Everything". It really is. In our culture it's all about looking good and feeling good. We are bombarded with ads for products that will make us cool, hip, or rad. By wearing a certain brand of clothing, we project a certain image.

I remember in high school, the fad was to wear Polo Oxford button-down collar shirts. That was the trend. I wanted to project the "preppy" image because that's what the smart, rich kids wore and I wanted to be like them. But the real me was poor and not very smart. I slacked off in high school and barely maintained a C+ average. I desperately wanted to be cool and fit in. I wanted people to like me (the fake me). I was afraid that if they knew the real me they wouldn't like me. (Before I moved in with foster parents, I lived in a roach-infested mobile home - not cool.)

Why is it that we often forget we are all created in the image of our Maker? (see Genesis 1:26-27). It is so easy to quickly conform to the false image of our surroundings. That is exactly what Israel did right after God miraculously released them from their Egyptian captivity. For hundreds of years, the only image they had of themselves was worthless slaves, but God revealed to them that they were his chosen, beloved people - HOWEVER - because it's hard to break the culture's hold, they quickly forget whose image they were made in.

Psalm 106:19-21 says, "At Horeb they made a calf and worshiped an idol cast from metal. They exchanged their Glory for an image of a bull, which eats grass. They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things in Egypt."

How often do we do the same thing today? God has given us His image of glory but we exchange it for that blue Polo oxford shirt? My response? GET REAL!

Recognize your identity is NOT in what you wear. We are not what we do, not what we have, and not what other people think about us. We have been created in the very image of God and with the help of His Spirit, we can project that image to others.

Soul Surfer movie

My family and I went to see the movie Soul Surfer this past weekend. Overall it was very good. Normally in "Christian" movies, the acting leaves much to be desired but not this time. The story line was very inspiring. It is the true story of Bethany Hamilton, a courageous young surfer who survived a shark attack and then went back to surfing. The movie is very intentional about sharing Bethany's strong faith.

But there's an interesting back-story to the film: As a committed Christian, Bethany and her family wanted to tell the story of her faith in Christ. The producers at Sony resisted including explicit Bible verses (they wanted to leave the references out) and about mentioning Jesus (God was less controversial). In the end, two Bible references made it into the movie:

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) and two references to Jesus made the movie's final cut.

Philippians 4:13 (NRSV) I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Does the Day Matter?

I grew up in a church that taught Easter was pagan, therefore we didn't celebrate it. Don't get me wrong - we believed in Jesus' resurrection - just not that it occurred on Easter Sunday. I used to hear about the pagan origins of Easter - Bede ("The Venerable"), a late-seventh-century historian and scholar said the name came from the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre, associated with spring and fertility, and celebrated around the vernal equinox, but there is no evidence outside of Bede for the existence of this Anglo-Saxon goddess.

You know what? - I am 44 years old and I still don't know if Jesus actually rose on the day we now call Easter. I have other questions too:

- If Jesus predicted that He would rise three days later, how does Good Friday to Sunday equal three days?

- What in the world do Easter eggs and bunnies have to do with the Son of God defeating and conquering sin and death once and for all? (Parents, please do a better job of educating your kids about this)

- What's the deal with the Hebrew calendar being changed to make it more convenient to celebrate? (The Hebrew calendar and the Gregorian calendar do not coincide the same days of observance. The name for the Christian celebration is derived from the Greek word Pascha, which comes from pesach, the Hebrew word for Passover).

- Does the exact day really matter?

Here's where I am on this: The resurrection of Christ is the central theme of Christianity. The commemoration of Christ's death and resurrection is not derived from paganism. Even if the name "Easter" is, who says that my heart is observing a pagan holiday? I am observing and worshiping the risen Christ lest someone has the "gift" to judge my heart and intentions.

Romans 14:5 tells us, “One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.” Rather than remembering Christ's death on a certain day, once a year, the Bible instructs us to remember Christ’s death by observing the Lord’s Supper. First Corinthians 11:24-26 declares, “...do this in remembrance of me...for as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes.”

Should we allow our children to color eggs and go on Easter eggs hunts? This is a question both parents and church leaders struggle with. There is nothing essentially evil about painting and hiding eggs and having children search for them. What is important is our focus, which ultimately must be on Christ!

Of course, the Christian commemoration of "Easter" rests not on the title of the celebration but on its content—namely, the remembrance of Christ's death and resurrection. It is Christ's conquest of sin, death, and Satan that gives us the right to celebrate, not just one day a year - but EVERY DAY!

Stay on Guard

There's good and bad to just about anything. Facebook is one example. It has been an easy and efficient way to connect with family and friends. Being able to immediately see pictures of the newest addition to the family or little Susie's dance recital are all good things. Reconnecting with old friends and classmates is also good - but be on guard!

I just read an article this morning that said surveys show Facebook is being cited more and more in divorce cases. This should make spouses think twice before "friending" someone of the opposite sex. As some of you know, I deleted my Facebook account about a year ago. The reason? I quickly realized how easy it was to "friend" my high school buddies (good) but then have old girlfriends from high school show up as "people you may know" (not so good). How would my wife feel if I was in contact with "another woman"? How would I feel if she was a "friend" to another male?

I've seen this sad and ugly scenario play out in a friend's life. It was back in 2002. A business associate of mine (married man) got in contact with an old high school sweetheart and they started communicating. One thing led to another and he ended up having an affair with this "sweetheart". To make matters worse, he was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after they reunited and was about to divorce his wife when the cancer became aggressive and he died. His wife found out about the affair and was devastated and very angry as you might imagine. The "other woman" was also devastated. There were no winners in this. The saddest part to all of this - there were only 9 people at his funeral - mostly business people, no family. I was one of the 9.

A 2010 survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showed that 81 percent of "the nation's top divorce attorneys" reported an increase in social networking websites being used as evidence in divorce cases. Facebook is the leader, being cited in 66 percent of cases that involve online evidence. Couples should take common sense safeguards on Facebook, said Michael Martin, vice president for academic affairs and professor of New Testament at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary in Mill Valley, Calif.

"People need to manage the beginning of the relationship," Martin said. "If somebody contacts you from your past and wants to strike up a friendship -- somebody that you dated once or somebody that you knew in high school or college, there's nothing necessarily wrong with entering into that relationship. Just do it along with your spouse. Include your spouse into the conversation. If you're willing to do that openly, then it's likely there's nothing at all wrong with the Facebook relationship. If you are being invited into a conversation that you are uncomfortable including your spouse in, then you should not start the relationship."

To help you and your spouse stay on guard, here are some tips given in the complete article from the Baptist Press: "Facebook divorce rates: Couples be wise"

The Trust Factor

This morning I read Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."

Ever have trouble trusting God? I do. It's nothing God has done. It's totally based on my personality and past experiences. You see when I was 13, my parents got divorced and it rocked my world! I never thought that would happen to my family. I grew up in a Christian home and these things weren't supposed to happen. As I look back, I think a new script was trying to be written for my life that said "See, if you can't trust your own parents who can you trust?" So, ever since I was a teenager, I've pretty much just looked out for number one. I HAD to lean on my own understanding because no one was going to look out for me.

Don't get me wrong; over the years, God has been faithful and I have experienced His amazing grace - but there are still times that I'm not totally 100% trusting Him with ALL my heart; maybe 85%, sometimes even 95%, but 100%? Again, it stems back to the traumatic experience of divorce.

Part of the problem is that God is invisible and sometimes takes His good ole sweet time to do certain things. Me, on the other hand - I know what I'm capable of. I can get things done. Growing up, I learned to take care of myself and I didn't need my parents and certainly didn't need God..

But here's the deal - An immature person (who hasn't grown up) will continue to try and do things all on their own (thinking they are a mature adult). But the truth I'm learning is that a spiritually mature, grown up Christian starts to let go (surrender control) and say, "OK God - no matter what has happened to me in the past (good or bad), I will trust you with the leading of my life because I know that you are the perfect parent. I don't have to find my own way in life. You have already made the way clear. I don't have to prove myself. I don't have to try and figure it all out on my own. I simply acknowledge you and you will guide me".

Trust may be hard for you, too. Why is that? Because unfortunately people will let us down. People will lie to us. People will deceive us to get their own way. People will hurt us. There is a saying, "Hurting people hurt people". 1 Peter 2:24 says that Jesus bore our sins...and by his wounds we are healed. Jesus trusted God the Father with His very life. He carried the wounds of people who lied to Him, deceived Him, cheated Him and let Him down. - and was healed with a resurrected Body - ALL BY TRUSTING IN THE LORD WITH ALL HIS HEART. I hope to do the same.